Thursday, March 4, 2010


There are different kinds of people. That's pretty obvious. I'm reliable. If you tell me your birthday, I'll remember it. I'm compassionate. I hurt because other people are hurting. I'm passive, and I think, and I wonder. I wonder does anyone ever remember the things I've told them? Does anyone ever hurt because I'm hurting? 

When you become the person everyone relies on, I think you must become invisible too. 

I can't sleep. It's 2:35am and I'm wide awake, and this is a perfectly normal occurrence. I don't know what it is, but I can't sleep. So I stay up all night. I read, I write, sometimes I just lie in the darkness and hours slip away and the room gradually descends into light. When I physically can't be awake anymore, then I sleep.

At 10am on Tuesday morning, just as my exhausted mind was finally going still, there was persistent banging on my front door. My best friend. She is well aware of my sleeping habits. So, I wonder. I wonder am I the only one who thinks of other people before myself?

It can get difficult, you know? Always being the strong one, always putting on a brave face. "It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them" - Alex Karras. I'm always the strong one. I'm that listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I have an endless supply of chocolate biscuits. I also have an endless supply of weaknesses. When I said I build walls, I meant really, really big one's. I never reveal the things that hit me the hardest. 

I guess, alongside my 30 named blogs, I'm writing this blog to reveal my insecurities. We'll call it a courage building exercise. I read somewhere that, "Mastering others is intelligence, mastering yourself is true power", so even if no one reads this, it'd be nice to know true power. I'd like to know that I'm more than just a crutch to lean on. 


  1. great post. can completely relate to that. and dare i throw in a word of warning to do your best to look after yourself... cos always being the strong one, it wears you down, and there's no guarantee the ones who wore you down will be able to be there to be strong for you. take care, keep being strong, but do it for yourself first :)

  2. Sarah, you really are an amazing writer and some of your posts actually bring tears to my eyes, you have such a way with words. I know that it can be hard when people take you for granted; but remember that for every person who doesn't realise how much you're worth - there's another person who thinks you're worth 10 of them.

  3. You're doing something in your blog I'm too scared to do, and I admire you for that.