Day 09 - A photograph you took.

As an ex Photography student, I've obviously taken a LOT of photographs. I don't really have a favourite and I can't think of any photographs that stand out more than the others so I'm just gonna post a few random pictures. (:

This is a photograph I took when I went to see a band I like, YouMeAtSix. It looks like I Photoshopped this image but I really only did a quick fix, the rest is just blur because he was moving so fast and I did a lens turn while I took the photograph - gives a nice wee effect.

This is a portrait of a friend of mine. It tends to take a bashing for being too washed out, but personally, I really like it. 

Quick snapshot from a party, it just really appeals to me <3

Taken at some gig, somewhere. Nothing special, just the hands of the crowd, but I like the blur, the fuzziness and the fairy lights. 

I've been having a long-term love affair with black and white, oh, and sepia, but here is a rare colour photograph of mine. Taken in New York, where I thought b&w just did the city no justice. 

Finally, a question I answered in a straight-forward fashion! Maybe we're making progress!

I was driving a few days ago and I saw the most wonderful armchair abandoned by the side of the road. That chair, it had to have been older than I am and oh, the urge to try and bring it home with me was overwhelming. I love really old armchairs. They remind me of my grandad. He always, and I mean always, sits in the same chair. He has had it for decades and every so often, he has it reupholstered. It looks different, but it feels the same. We used to sit in that chair together when I was a kid and he'd tell me stories. It was the place to go to when you needed a hug, when you'd fallen and scraped your knees and needed your mind taken off it. I'm looking for a chair for my apartment now, a special chair, that looks like it can hold the weight of a million dreams. 

I'll keep you updated on how the search goes! :)

Day 08 - A photo that makes you mad / sad.

Here we go again with the, "Hmm, I'm not really 100% sure. I kind of think X but no, not really. Oh, I dunno!" spiel.

Photographs that make me sad? Photographs of sad people, sad events, photographs of people I've loved who I don't see anymore, for whatever reason. Photographs of the sun shining when I'm sitting looking out at the thundering rain. Photographs of smiles when I don't know or remember the reasons behind them. Photographs of Christmas morning when it's the 26th of December and you know you couldn't possibly be further away from this again.

Photographs of childhood, because you'll never be that innocent again. Photographs of weddings because everything looks just that little bit too perfect, yet can fall apart so easily. Family photographs - the one's where someone shouts "Cheeeeeeese!" and everyone smiles, even though no one wants to. 

I think I answered the question this time. 

Up.

I thought it'd be kind of nice if I posted a blog that had a positive and uplifting vibe! (:

I am feeling better. I stopped taking my medication nine days ago, and I honestly feel so much lighter. I walked into the chemist and when I got to the counter I thought, "Do I need this? Will handing over thirty euro for four tiny pills make me feel any better?". I walked back out. 

You're not supposed to stop taking any kind of anti-depressants, anti-anxieties etc., just like that. I was on a pretty high dose of Lexapro so really I should have weaned myself off over a period of time. I felt physically terrible for about a week. Nauseous, trembly, tired. Now though, now I feel more like myself. 

Yesterday, I applied to college. Hopefully, come September, I'll find myself in Trinity studying Psychology and English Literature. I think this is a turning point for me. Well, I really hope it is. I want to do things again. 

While I am here, I think I'll add in a song I am liking at the moment.

The Notwist - Consequence. 

We may have reached the end.

Friends come and go. I don't think I've ever walked away from someone though. I'm kind of strange like that. I hate the thoughts of an ending. I think I'd prefer anything other than a conclusion. 

Sometimes, I wonder am I the only one friendship really matters to. "Oh, we used to be friends". That makes me sad. I think friendships should be for life. It shouldn't be so easy to severe the ties.

I guess that lately I've realised that I was losing some of the friends I've had around for a long time. I've been having a hard time. I kind of thought... I thought that someone would want to help. It turns out that so many people are only your friends when they're benefitting too. 

I'm not too sure what I'm supposed to do now. 

Just a quick update (:

Hmm, what to say really? I've been finding it pretty hard to blog in the last week or two. I have loads of things I want to say, but I can't seem to make it happen at the moment. Hopefully I'll be back on track with my 30 blog challenge soon. 

For the meantime, here is a video I found on YouTube. 

The guy in the video, Noah, he has taken a photograph of himself every single day for six years. I think it's really cool. I sat watching this in awe, so thought I'd share.

Teardrop - Newton Faulkner.

I had to put this video here. It's Newton Faulkner and it is amazing.

I tend not to actually watch videos on youtube, I just have a tab open and play music, but this performance is worth a watch. (:

06/04/'10

I guess the last month of my life has been a pretty bad one. When I go through phases of lows, it tends to be a very testing period for those who are closest to me. I wish that I could take back all the hurt that I have caused lately. I know it has been a very upsetting time for my parents and confusing, for my mum, who finds it so difficult to understand. I know that all she wants is for me to be happy and I'm really sorry for not being able to do that for her. 

I feel bad for my friends. I've put some of them in really terrible situations, and laid onto them huge responsibility. I'm sorry we don't learn Irish side by side anymore, and that we haven't been for long drives to nowhere. 

To any of my friends reading this, I hope you know that no matter how many times I tell you I don't want to go out, or that I'm too tired, I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, love you just for trying, for asking. I'm sorry I never hug you anymore, and that I don't know the right words to say thank you enough. 

I hope that someday, someday soon, my mum will know that this isn't all her fault and even though there are days when I think things are never going to be alright, there are also days when I know that I have some of the most wonderful people looking out for me. So it'll just have to be okay. 

To my friends, I think the juice will be worth the squeeze. ♥