Sunday, March 14, 2010

Mother's Day.

It has often been said that there is only one person in this world you can't possibly lie to, and that person is yourself. It takes two people to make a lie work, the person who tells it and the one who believes it. I can lie to myself though. 

For years and years, I thought I was completely detached from you. I always held you at arms length. When I felt that maybe you were getting that little bit too close, I stepped back. Did you know that I really wanted to hear stories about when you were a little girl? I wanted to hear about your hopes and dreams. I wanted to be able to hug you. I couldn't. I'd convinced myself I didn't need you. I've always been so independant because I've always been so lonely. 

When you fear that someone is going to turn and walk away from you, I think it's that little bit easier to do it first. I left you behind over and over, never because I didn't want you in life, only because I was couldn't bear to watch you leaving me. I leave first so that I can never be left. 

Love is a bit like jumping off a cliff and knowing that there is going to be someone there to catch you. I've probably jumped off thousands of cliffs. You've caught me every single time. I want to say thank you. I want to tell you that I'm sorry for not noticing. I want to jump off a million more cliffs, just so we can be closer.

Happy Mother's Day, mum. Don't be afraid to jump, because I'm always going to catch you too.

No comments:

Post a Comment