Haven't written a blog in a while now, 'cause I've been keeping myself busy and that's been good. It's weird though. Every time things are okay, or good, I'm happy but before I fall asleep, I think to myself, "How much longer have I got? When will this get screwed up? Am I actually okay now, or is this all fake?" and that drives me crazy. I want it to stop. I want there to be no questions, just acceptance, but I can't have that. My mind doesn't stop.
It's impossible to explain to people too. I feel like every time something bothers me, even if it's something tiny, I can't express it to anyone 'cause they all expect it to be a big deal and I get the impression that it's a case of, "Oh shit, Sarah is in one of her moods again". If someone takes the wrong lane at a roundabout and I decide to have a rant about it, it's not because I am spiraling into a downward depression, I'm just angry. I shouldn't be angry 'cause in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing and I know that but I need everyone else to know that too.
I need people to stop waiting for me to fall again. I need not to be tip-toed around. I'm doing good now, and sure it's hard for me to believe but it'd be a hell of a lot easier if others started believing it first.