So, I haven't self harmed in 23 days now... but to be perfectly honest, the urge to do so now is overwhelming. I got no first round CAO offers and yeah, I am devastated. You see, I don't know how to deal with anything I'm feeling. I don't want to cry, or call someone and have them tell me that it's gonna be alright... I want to punish myself for not being good enough. I want to make it hurt more than it already does.
Or maybe I just want to believe that it is going to be okay, but I can't, and that's the problem, and that's why I hate myself so much. 'Cause nothing is ever enough. When will this get better?