Monday, August 23, 2010


So, I haven't self harmed in 23 days now... but to be perfectly honest, the urge to do so now is overwhelming. I got no first round CAO offers and yeah, I am devastated. You see, I don't know how to deal with anything I'm feeling. I don't want to cry, or call someone and have them tell me that it's gonna be alright... I want to punish myself for not being good enough. I want to make it hurt more than it already does.

Or maybe I just want to believe that it is going to be okay, but I can't, and that's the problem, and that's why I hate myself so much. 'Cause nothing is ever enough. When will this get better?


  1. Oh that moment when your stomach plummets through the floor and you think 'What the fuck do I do now?'

    I've been there, and it's HORRIBLE, and scary, but don't do it. You've done so well so far. Do you really want the last 23 days to have been for nothing? Hurting yourself won't fix it. But NOT hurting yourself will slowly fix you.

    It WILL be okay. Just breathe.


    it's only the first round,you're garaunteed a spot in the second round with your results.

    I know you don't want to hear this, but it's only a CAO offer.Not hurting yourself and being happy is worth more than any college place.It doesn't mean you're not good enough,it's just a number and even without it you can be a millionairess or president if you wanted to.Little steps like the 23 you just took are what are important not some scrap of paper with a college stamp on it

    Keep your chin up and vent to someone if you can