After sex, the bitter taste
Been fooled again, the search continues."
I couldn't sleep last night, so I decided to read a book. It didn't have the desired effect. I didn't get to sleep. I ended up getting out of bed and running myself a bath at 4am. I lay in the bath, wondering if any amount of water, any amount of soap, would ever be able to wash away the touches of people. The touches of guys.
I feel physically sick sometimes, when I think of the past. I've been on such a huge mission to self destruct that I've ended up in some of the most dangerous situations, and I've never cared. I'm actually so ashamed of myself, to have allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I have gotten myself horribly drunk, to the point where I don't remember, where hours are just blank gaps in my memory. Then I've come around to find myself in an array of different locations with guys who were mostly complete strangers... And they don't all take 'no' for an answer.
I guess after a while, it's easier to give people what they want. Protesting can be so tiresome.
Always being no one, nothing, being just another girl, that's tiresome too, though. I don't wanna be this person anymore. I wish it was all so easy as to take a bath and watch as it all swirls away, down the drain... But it just isn't. You can fix everything, except the past.