Mother's Day.

It has often been said that there is only one person in this world you can't possibly lie to, and that person is yourself. It takes two people to make a lie work, the person who tells it and the one who believes it. I can lie to myself though. 

For years and years, I thought I was completely detached from you. I always held you at arms length. When I felt that maybe you were getting that little bit too close, I stepped back. Did you know that I really wanted to hear stories about when you were a little girl? I wanted to hear about your hopes and dreams. I wanted to be able to hug you. I couldn't. I'd convinced myself I didn't need you. I've always been so independant because I've always been so lonely. 

When you fear that someone is going to turn and walk away from you, I think it's that little bit easier to do it first. I left you behind over and over, never because I didn't want you in life, only because I was couldn't bear to watch you leaving me. I leave first so that I can never be left. 

Love is a bit like jumping off a cliff and knowing that there is going to be someone there to catch you. I've probably jumped off thousands of cliffs. You've caught me every single time. I want to say thank you. I want to tell you that I'm sorry for not noticing. I want to jump off a million more cliffs, just so we can be closer.

Happy Mother's Day, mum. Don't be afraid to jump, because I'm always going to catch you too.